How to Comfort

When face to face with a friend in pain or grief,

what can you say or do to comfort them?

Don't tell, listen & reflect:

1.That hurts! 2.What?, How?

3.When?, Where?

4.Here we are!

5. Now what?

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How to listen & reflect so they feel heard?

1.Enquire/acknowledge: a.That hurts!

b.What? How? When? Where? c.Here we are!

Now what? or say what I heard.

2.You tell me, I listen.

3.I tell you what I heard.

4.You correct me, tell me again or tell me more.

5.I say what I heard and now understand.

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Preconditions for listening

1. Time 2. Energy3. Will 4. Skill 5. Patience

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1. That hurts: I look and listen and

recognize your pain and vunerability.

Maybe you will tell me more if I listen

with the respect and distance you need.

2. What hurts? Where is the damage,

where did it happen? Looking together helps

both of us evaluate the situation.

3. When, how did it happen? As you tell me

you put the pieces together and find you footing.

4. Here we are in the world, together.

You are dealing with what has happened.

5. Now what is the situation, the consequences,

problems and challenges you are attending to.